23092019

Dalam hidup tok nak oh.. Sik semua benda kita boleh padah dengan kata

Pasya nak, kita sik boleh nak harapkan apa benda lah dari orang

Bodoh manusia macam aku tok bila udah otak lekat dengan seseorang 

Aku sik dapat fikir secara rasional.. 

Aku seorang eqah.. Eqah jak.. Sik mudah lah aku nak fikir, rasa, apa yang alami kinek. Jaoh dibenak fikiran aku. Bodoh seorang eqah lah.. 

Sayang lah kan rasa ya macam terlebih rasa.. 

Takut aku terlalu mengharapkan perhatian

Takut aku terlalu bergantong gilak dengan orang

Pasya aku rasa macam satu beban untuk nya..

Takut nya sik lah gilak Allah kan ada 

Cuma aku takut dengan aku mpun.. 

Sik mampu untuk jadi yang terbaik

Mungkin bukan pilihan atau orang masih meragui aku

Takut orang cuma kesian jak dengan aku

Ya Allah, otak aku tok salu fikir macam yaaa

Tolong lah eqah, nangga lain ikit mesej or nangga nama 

Ya Allah, aku sik kuat, insan biasa jakkk

Sedaya upaya udah aku cuba buang rasa macam ya

Kaburkan rasa yang kurang enak

Lastly aku macam tok juak.. 

Separuh hati rasa nak pegi, separuh tinggal sebab sayang dan cinta

Semakin aku rasa nya ada dengan aku, semakin aku rasa berharap dengan nya

Berharap macam ni? Waima nak mukak botol aik pun maok nyaaa

Pasya aku rasa macam ngegeh jak bila ku mpun perangey macam yaa

Rasa macam sik maok jaoh, huhuhu. 

Sik pernah rasa macam ya tapi yalatek.. 

Bila udah ada perangey aku macam ya datang, 

Aku takut aku nga lain ikit hati tuk lembut mudah jak pecah 

Hahahahahahaahhahahaha

Eqah what happened?? Hmm

I don't know.

This is love, maybe.. 

Or I thought of it.. 

Last2 nya I just hope for the best in this relationship 

But then, I don't know.. I'm being a baby huhuhuhu

Silly eqah.. Huhuhu

Okay.. Im done.. Cukuo pey sia jak. 

Suka na eqah nyakit ti dikpun 

Huhuhuhuhu hurt* ouchh*

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Don't hold on to toxic moments. Let go for your own sake.

Every single person we have in our life, has at some point hurt us. It’s natural, misunderstandings occur, fights occur, sometimes people don’t realize they’re being hurtful and sometimes they do it on purpose. One way or another, people scar us. And sometimes its the people closest to us that deliver the deepest wounds.

Although I know how hard it can be to let go, to forgive, and most importantly to forget, I feel like its most toxic to yourself if you keep probing your wounds.

Instead of trying to hold close the memory of how a particular person hurt you,betrayed you or caused you pain, try and hold close a memory of them where they helped you, or made you smile, or showed their love for you. It could be the simplest of memories, a moment where you laughed together, a smile, a hug, tears shared together, anything. But hold that good moment close,and use it as your mask to cover up the painful moments. Use those good moments to remind yourself that people aren’t all bad, they just have certain negative qualities. Use those good moments to slowly be able to let go of the bad ones, so the pain feels less intense.

I’m not going to lie, although doing this makes it easier to forgive, it does not make it easy to forget. I think that’s something no one can do really, forget the pain. But it will majorly help you to remember the pain less often, it will numb down the intensity of the hurt and it will grant peace to your own heart.

Whenever you do find yourself drifting back to aching memories of a certain person, pull out a good memory and make a heartfelt, good Dua for the person. I promise you, making Dua for someone is the best cure for your own heart. Yeah, I know it's hard but eventually you find yourself peace.

May Allah ease all our pains and make us those of His slaves, who are able to forgive and let go of grudges, resentment and hurt caused by others.

 I have to go now. I'm hurting actually and this is how I try to cure myself to let go of the pain that keep on torturing me. Hahaha. Funny huh.. So yeah. Xoxo. 

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random thought - 210419

hi.. it's been a while.. i have so unsaid words.. too many things happened in this so period of time..
and make me wonder how time flies so fast these day..

so i keep asking myself, should i write again?? there's so many things i want to share for you guys and i think this is the best place for me to keep on writing.. why?? i keep things to myself often these couple days... i wish i can keep my distance away from people i know, i care and most importantly the ones i love..

you see, i cared too much and that is very negative things i dose to myself.. why you ask... this is the toxicity that i keep on growing inside me.. this feeling is so toxic!! once i care, i always care. and i don't even care if they don't do the same things toward me.. i don't care if they hurt me, they're leave me, they use me for they own benefits! if you asked me, 'hey eqah, just ignore them, you'll be okay again later..' if only i can do that..

you see, i've try my best to keep my distant away from them. hey, if you're asking me is the guy is the one that you're waiting for a long time ago?? nope!!! i'm falling in love. i felt in love with someone i haven't met.. someone that always appeared in my dream hey eqah! please come back to you sense!!!

sign* well, i also don't know how, when, why do this feeling came sudden, and i keep on thinking about him every single time.. i always wanted to care about him, i always wanted to ask about his day, i wanted to ask how is his day going, is everything okay.. i wanted to be beside him.. but come to think about it, i felt thats going to be impossible. ha ha ha. who am i kidding right??

he doesn't care about me anyway... i am just someone he knows.. no one.. oh i am no one for him.. hmm, its okay anyway...

maybe, ALLAH put this feelings for me, and maybe there's a reasons for it.. it's okay to feel this feelings again, how it's feel to missing someone, the feelings of hurt when you've been ignore.. the feeling of fall in love.. that's the sweetest feelings ever.. haaa~ it's okay dear heart, bare it just for a while.. just this period of time.
hey eqah, you'll be okay.. don't worry :)

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trying to win a game

she seeks comfort in words

her thought are a mess right now

her head also is a chaos

she feels like her life is a game of chess

yet, she feel the world is against her

she's playing the game alone

but yet she's never good in winning it

still she keep going to be strong

she's has to stand herself in the ground

no matter how tired she is

she can't seem to escape the game

from the harsh reality of life 

as the pawns step forward

with each step they trying to crash her dreams

there was no need for the bishop and the knight

let alone the king and queen

as the game come to the end

she now start to feels scare

and the world together shout

CHECK and MATE

and only hope is all she need now

so she decide to learn how to play the game

with a new confidence she found

she decide to begin the game again from the start

finally she whispers to herself

"you are stronger than this pain, don't let it get to you again"

 because THIS IS JUST A GAME :)

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allow yourself :)

just a piece of advice, 

allow yourself to realize you are more valuable to the universe than you think..

allow yourself to be confident in your appearance and call yourself 'cute'

allow yourself to let your mind wander to wondering of why we being so completely unique and alive

allow yourself to believe that crazy dream can come true and it's possible

allow yourself to feel love for not only other people but for yourself as well

allow yourself to be happy, enjoying life and let yourself go out on Friday's night instead of lying bed where your eventually regret about your decision

allow yourself to focus on positive aspects in your life and realize that constantly worrying about the little things will only discard you from the amazing traits about yourself

allow yourself to enjoy the little things in life as they may not always last

we too often allow ourselves to get wrapped up in the negative aspects of our life,

always wishing we were better or always wishing that we could've done something different

the facts is we are who we are..

we were made this way for our own reason.

the past was in the past..

once it's done, it's done!

now, you shouldn't be scared of being happy

live your life to the fullest and do not regrets anything :)

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