I am The Girl Who Leaves

by Dayang Hafiqah

'you get bored easily' that's what they say. to them, i move on too easily i put the phone down too fast, ignores the texts, reject the calls and move on to the next guy so simply.
to them, i treat guys like they are flavor of the week
to them, i am the girl who leaves

but, i was the girl who stayed

i was the girl who stayed even when things get rough. i was the girl who stayed even when the texts got leeser, the calls short and rough, and the date nights no longer existent. i was the girl who stayed even i was treated badly. i was the girl who stayed even when she knew she had a choice to walk away

but i become the girl who leaves

i became the girl who could care less the hearts she left behind. i became the one guy's text constantly, trying to make plans, and i dismiss them, one by one. i became the girl who doesn't give a second thought to their feelings, rejecting them and leaving them. i became the girl who leaves.

i wasn't always that kind of girl

i used to be the girl who constantly gives second chances even when they don't deserve it. i used to be the girl who will take the guy back if he would only just apologize. i used to be the girl who let her guard down so easily that just anyone could come in, say a few sweet words and have my heart handed over to them. i used to be that girl. i used to have my heart on my sleeve all the time, putting in so much time and effort into every relationship even though it was not reciprocated. i constantly held on to faith and hope, trusting that things will somehow work itself out and i will have my happily ever after

but things don't always happen that way

with every heartbreak, i began to realize what i want and what i deserve. with every piece of my heart taken and thrown away, i began to build a wall around the pieces left to protect myself. guard myself with walls so high no one can get around it. locked my heart and throw the keys far away. i began to trust people less and was so sure that everyone who enters my life will eventually leave, so i became the girl who leaves

and so i became the girl who leaves, before i'm left

but i hope that someday i'll meet someone who'll make me stay, this time, with him

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